If you haven’t read the first ‘Blog of Frog’ click here I finished the last blog by saying that since arriving back from Europe, Frog has filled my life with love, cuddles, laughter, destruction, and a little stress. Before I go on to talking about some of his misadventures, I want to say that I am fully aware that some […]
I wasn’t sure if I would write a blog post about this. But sitting here in Lorne (one of my favourite places), looking out onto the ocean, and remembering all of the wonderful things that is Jake, it felt right to write. I choose to take a few days away by myself for the ‘year since’. Self-reflection for me is so important, and in truth I couldn’t face being around people this weekend. It is so interesting because you never think tragedy will happy to you, and you can never predict how you will deal with it when it does. For me this last year has been a learning curve I never expected or wanted. I won’t dwell too much on the past year, apart from noting that perhaps one of the oddest feelings is not being able to remember the end of August through to January last year (apart from a few small memories). I went in to autopilot and my brain cushioned me from the grief by not letting me remember, which I am thankful for. However, the fact that I can’t remember four months of my life has given me even more inspiration to live in the present. I want to remember the big things, the tiny things, and everything in between. I also honestly wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for the people around me. “it takes a community to get here” […]
If you are unsure what this post is about- read here. *** Everyone asks me how I am. People close to me ask me “how are you, really?”. Which is a great question as they see through my generic “I’m okay” response. The truth is, I am both okay and not okay at the same time. I am okay in the sense that I am holding it together. However, I am also not okay as I am sad, angry, confused, and exhausted. I am genuinely so exhausted. Carrying around grief, literally feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders (which is a saying I always thought was so odd), it makes everyday tasks so much more tiring than normal. Whenever, I am watching a TV show and a character suffers a loss (particularly the death of a loved one), I always just want to fast forward to the part where they are okay again. I hate watching these fictional characters suffer. Now it is me suffering. And now I realise that it is going to take a really long time to “be okay” (I can’t just skip forward to season four) and that I don’t think I will ever “be okay”…well not in the same way that I used to be. Although, I said I’m sad, and angry, and confused, above all of those feelings I just miss Jake. I miss spending time doing nothing with him, […]