How are you…really?

If you are unsure what this post is about- read here. *** Everyone asks me how I am. People close to me ask me “how are you, really?”. Which is a great question as they see through my generic “I’m okay” response. The truth is, I am both okay and not okay at the same time. I am okay in the sense that I am holding it together. However, I am also not okay as I am sad, angry, confused, and exhausted. I am genuinely so exhausted. Carrying around grief, literally feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders (which is a saying I always thought was so odd), it makes everyday tasks so much more tiring than normal. Whenever, I am watching a TV show and a character suffers a loss (particularly the death of a loved one), I always just want to fast forward to the part where they are okay again. I hate watching these fictional characters suffer. Now it is me suffering. And now I realise that it is going to take a really long time to “be okay” (I can’t just skip forward to season four) and that I don’t think I will ever “be okay”…well not in the same way that I used to be. Although, I said I’m sad, and angry, and confused, above all of those feelings I just miss Jake. I miss spending time doing nothing with him, […]

Read More →